...but nail polish will never hurt me

Damn, my blogging hiatus really did a number on my creative-title-writing abilities. Sorry bout it.

These nails may not seem that exciting, but they were a huge deal for me. Like, get-home-at-3-am-and-do-your-nails-with-your-new-polish huge deal. Indie nail polish--that is, polish made in small batches by regular old guys & gals and sold on sites like Etsy--has taken the nail world by storm over the last few months. Unfortunately, do to the limited quantity nature of indie polish, it's usually expensive and hard to get. So I mostly just admire from afar, but there was one polish I needed--Ninja Polish Sticks n Stones. Long story short, one of the first indie polish sellers, Lynnderella, made an incredible black & white glitter polish, but her poor business practices resulted in sky-high prices and scarce availability. So the lovely ladies at Ninja Polish decided to pay homage to Lynn's coveted polish, at a much more reasonable price.

However, because there are a frightening number of nail-obsessed people just like me all around the world, Sticks n Stones also proved incredibly hard to get. I kept signing up to be notified when it was back in stock, but was never near a computer when I received that magical email--until a day in July when I was on family vacation. I didn't have my computer, actually, but I needed the polish so desperately I managed to order and pay for it from my BlackBerry. Five days later, when I got home from vacation, it was in my mailbox, and I've never been happier about anything.

Except that one time I saw six pugs all running around a plaza in Madrid. That was maybe the happiest moment of my life.

ANYWAY this nail polish is great and I'm a crazy person aaand onto the photos!

This is two coats of Sticks n Stones over two coats (over white) of China Glaze Shocking Pink. Sticks n Stones is a bit of a stubborn glitter, and the large glitters definitely do need to be placed. As you can see I only managed to get one jumbo hex glitter out of the bottle, and it ended up looking real weird on my pinky.

I got tons of compliments from customers at work on these nails. Well, mostly people were just like, "Wow, those are...bright." So maybe they were just trying to nicely tell me I just gave them a migraine. Oops.

Sticks n Stones is currently out of stock, but you can request to be emailed when they restock. It's worth it.

skull candy

I don't know why I felt the impulse to title this "skull candy," because that is the name of a brand that makes horribly tacky headphones, but in my defense this manicure does feature skulls and it's a skittle manicure and skittles = candy so SKULL CANDY IT IS, overpriced rasta-print headphones aside.

Sometimes I start a manicure simply by being drawn to a color combination. This one, as you can see, was pink, black, white, and grey. I wanted clean patterns that played well with the sweet-yet-tough mix of colors. The pink is OPI Mod About You, which I adore and use incessantly despite its patchy formula; the white is China Glaze White on White, the grey is Essence Got A Secret?, and the black is Wet n Wild Black Creme.

I did these nails while watching the movie Party Girl. I'd like to think Parker Posey's character would approve of them. I freehanded the half-moon on my pinky, used a large dotting tool + nail art brush for the skull, a striper brush for my middle finger, a dotting tool for my index finger, and a makeup sponge for my thumb. And I lied--the black on my thumb is Orly Androgynie, which is shimmery, though it unfortunately doesn't show up in this photo.

I should probsss take the time to apologize for the fiftieth time for being the most inconsistent nail blogger ever. I've been painting and photographing my nails, I just...keep forgetting to post them. Which is silly, because I love blogging and I really want this thing to take off and catapult me into a $200k/year blogging gig (cus those totally exist), so I should probably, you know, post regularly. Feel free to yell at me if I start slacking again.

So once again, I have like five manicures queued up to post...which is good, because in eight days I'm leaving to go back to NUEVA YORK so I won't be able to post much. I am so excited, even though the summer weather will eat me alive (me + humidity = dire enemies). Any suggestions for magnificent back-in-the-New-York-groove nail art? Holla atcha girl.

nude + neon + drips

So like...I don't know if you've heard, cus it's still kind of a big secret and no one's really caught onto it yet, but the super hawt trend for this summer is neons. Now shh! Let's keep it under wraps y'all, we don't want 75% of America running around in their super bright crop tops carrying eye-searing Cambridge satchels.

...wait, what's that you say? You already own eighteen neon things? ...well, okay. Never mind, then. But I'm still going to force you to look at this neon mani I just did because I LIKE IT, okay?

I started with two coats of OPI Did You 'Ear About Van Gogh?, a grey-toned nude from their spring 2012 Holland collection. Next, I painted a base for the drips using Sinful Colors Snow Me White, since neons show up much better over white. 

To do the drips, I used my largest dotting tool and made three dots on each  nail, varying in placement. Then I painted a thick french tip and connected the dots to the french tip. If anyone wants a more detailed tutorial, telepathically communicate it to me. Or let me know in the comments. Either works.

Next, I went over the white base of the drips in American Apparel Neon Yellow and China Glaze Shocking Pink. Neons are so damn hard to work with, guys. They're so sheer but dry so slowly. I actually did this mani twice, but the first time it chipped and dented so badly I couldn't even take photos of it, so I had to do it all again the next day. If you're trying drips for the first time, I'd suggest using a very opaque creme polish, because otherwise you might end up tearing all your hair out and collapsing in an exasperated heap on the floor, surrounded by acetone-soaked cotton balls. Or you might just shrug it off. You know, one or the other.

PS--I was serious about the tutorials bit earlier. If you'd like to know in detail how I did any specific manicure, please leave me a comment or send me an email! Pretty please. I want to hear from ALL OF YOU!

one time, i met jenny lewis at a farmer's market and she told me my nails were cute

I have an announcement to make, guys. I am retiring from the nail art scene. I'm done. Because I won it. I can't rise any higher. I might only have four followers on this blog and zero comments on any of my posts, but yesterday Jenny Lewis said my nails were cute.


Now, if you know anything about me, you know two things dominate my life: my compulsion for painting my nails and, much longer withstanding, my all-consuming love for the musician Jenny Lewis. You might know her from her now-defunct band Rilo Kiley, or her acting prowess in movies like 1989's The Wizard, as well as several Golden Girls cameos. In any case, she is a perfect human being and her music means an incredible amount to me. I even have some of her lyrics tattooed on my body, that's how much I love her. She played in my town last night so I got to see her for the fourth time. A few hours before the show, I ran into her at a farmer's market. In a fit of adrenaline-induced bravery, I went up to say hi to her. She introduced herself to me and shook my hand and said, "Oh, cute nails!"

(I really was nearly crying. Also shaking so hard it took me a good three minutes to type that status.)

The show was absolutely amazing--her vocals were the best I've ever heard--and I met her yet again after the show and got this photo with her so uhm yeah my life is now complete:

...buuuut enough of my insaneo fangirling and onto what you came here for: the nails! Or should I say...the Jennicure? Get it? Manicure...Jennicure...okay I'll stop now.

These were actually inspired by a pair of heeled saddle shoe oxfords I've seen Jenny wear before (because I am that much of a creeper). This is two coats of OPI Mod About You layered over one coat of Essie Marshmallow to help with opacity, since Mod About You is a slightly streaky, sheer creme.

The black heart shapes are Wet n Wild Black Creme, and freehanded using the bottle brush. I then used a tiny dotting tool to add dot borders of Mod About You and Black Creme.

This is a cute and easy design that would look rad with a lot of different color combinations. The pink and black is very 1950s to me--like some souped-up Cadillac or something--but I think nude and white or two pastels could look pretty too!

...aaaand that's all I have to say about nails. My head is still spinning from the day's events. Also, please tell me you got the Mean Girls reference in the title of this post...)

popsicle gradient

If you guys have never seen The Nailasaurus, you've really been missing out. Sammy does some seriously awesome nails and her gradients are the best out there. I did these using her technique and the effect was really stunning--it looked even better in real life, I think here the colors were just too bright to photograph smoothly.

I started with three coats of Zoya Shelby, which is kind of the exact shade of Pepto Bismol and is pretty streaky buuut I still like it. Then using Sammy's gradient technique, I added on Sally Hansen Sun Kissed.  My friend's mom said these look like popsicles, and a middle-aged dad complimented them when I was at work, so basically Sammy's tutorial is the greatest and orange and pink are the perfect summery colors.

Ignore my weird crooked fingers and focus on dat gradient. Smooth as buttah.


The next day I decided to add some nail art and subconsciously ended up copying this manicure by Chelsea from Get Nailed. Hers is a thousand times better than mine sooo I'm a little embarrassed but whateva whateva I do what I want!

All the art was freehanded using a paintbrush that is badly in need of replacing and a dotting tool using China Glaze White on White. 

It didn't show up too much in the photos, but I also added a coat of China Glaze Fairy Dust for a lil bling bling. (Do people still say "bling bling"? Or did that die out with Myspace, velour sweatsuits and the popularity of Nelly's music?)

you can paint your nails lime green, rent yourself a limousine

The other day I was listening to one of my favorite bands in the entire world, Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band, and was immediately inspired after hearing the lyric from "White Shoes": You can paint your nails lime green / rent yourself a limousine. I thought to myself, HEY! I can paint my nails lime green, even though it's the most obnoxious color ever, so I'm GONNA DO IT.

I started with three coats of Essence Lime Up!, which I think is a dupe for OPI Did It On 'Em from the Nicki Minaj collection. The formula for this polish was horrible. It was thick and bubbly and settled unevenly. No bueno.

Then because the lime wasn't eye-searing enough, I decided to freehand stripes in China Glaze Shocking Pink, which is the brightest neon ever. My camera can't capture how bright it is. Just imagine walking into the Barbie aisle at a toy store circa 1996. That bright.

I feel like this pattern could be found on some canvas flip-flops at a really tacky golf course in Miami. Or maybe just a Lacoste trunk show. Maybe I should have put some alligators in there somewhere.

Well, there you have it...the ugliest manicure I've ever done. Sorry your eyes hurt now. Here's a picture of Anderson Cooper holding a really fat cat to make things better:

mod sorbet

Because I love you all so very much, I'm going to let you in on a super top-secret nail art tip: gradient manicures are the easiest thing EVER and they look totally awesome. You only need four things: two different shades of polish, a makeup sponge, and a piece of paper.

For this gradient, I used a base of Sally Hansen Xtreme Wear Mint Sorbet. It's a little bluer in real life than it looks in these photos. Then I put a little pool of OPI Mod About You onto a piece of paper, dipped a makeup sponge into it, and applied it to my nail, starting at the tip. I use wedge sponges (you can find a pack for a couple dollars at any drugstore), and one sponge can last forever if you just tear off the bits that have dried polish on them!

It will probably take a few sponged-on coats to get the desired effect. Just remember to always start at the free edge (tip) of your nail, so that is where the color is most concentrated, and work your way towards the cuticle.

See? Totally easy-peasy, and it's great if you're indecisive like me and can't pick just one color to wear. It's the best of both worlds! (Is that Hannah Montana stuck in your head now? Yes? Thought so. Sorry.)

Gradients also look awesome when you use glitter polish, and it's a great way to ease yourself into wearing glitter if you think a full glitter mani is too much. Also, glitter gradients are even easier than this because you can just use the polish brush, like I did in my Hunger Games manicure!

PS--holy cow, my nails are long in this. Never again. I don't get it how girls can function with mile-long acrylics. Do you like, not need to type or text or tie your shoes or do dishes or...?

spring overload

The internet has been awash in a deluge of Easter-themed manicures. I'm not religious, and although I adore Easter candy I think all those eggs and rabbits are rather tacky. However, I do love pastels and florals--and I can't resist holiday-themed nails--so, well, here we are.

These are maybe the worst flowers I've done yet. Ignore that unsightly blob on my index finger...
I used a base of my favorite white, Sinful Colors Snow Me White, and OPI Mod About You with Borghese Belissima Rose for the roses. The leaves are Confetti Green with Envy. I did the roses using a large dotting tool to apply the light pink, and then a small paintbrush for the dark pink accents and the petals. My thumb and ring finger are an unnamed purple microglitter from Urban Outfitters over OPI Do You Lilac It?

My lovely friend Alex invited me and all our girlfriends to her house for Easter brunch, and these coordinate with the dress I'm wearing. (Actually, the dress is floral too, so I might just end up being obnoxiously flowery. Whatever, I dig it.) I'm so excited to eat some homemade food...and perhaps an entire box of Peeps? No, that would be gross. I totally haven't done that before would never do that.

Happy Passover/Easter/second weekend of April, everyone!